Sunday, March 29, 2009

What To Say?

I am going out soon. My oven does not work, but it works a little bit, so there is a slice of pizza in there being reheated currently and taking a long time.

Like drawings? You got it. This is a lost classic from deep down in the Pictures folder.

I'm almost done with The Crying of Lot 49; I think I would have loved this book ten years ago when I thought joke names and novels where everything in it was basically supposed to be a joke were the coolest ever. But now, I yearn for something sweeter and simpler. Like Jonathan Richman, I plead for tenderness.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Eyes Have It

(How many people my age and younger saw the joke headline "The Eyes Have It" for years before they ever heard the expression "the ayes have it"? I can say the same for "Hair Apparent"/"Heir Apparent." And, to a lesser extent, "Hail to the Chef.")

I do not have very good vision. Yesterday on the subway I squinted at a philosophy quote on a SubTalk poster for ten minutes to make sure it was attributed to Immanuel Kant and not Emmanuel Lewis. Finally I realize: for the past year I've been messing up more of my time-sheet errors at work, leaning ever closer and more tenderly into computer screens, and taking longer and longer to cue records up. Why has it taken so long for me to notice that? Answer: you get used to things looking blurry, and you work around it. Like old people do. My bad vision also went undetected for a while in childhood, so it's nuthin' new. How pathetic. All this to say, BE IT KNOWN ON THIS 26th DAY OF MARCH IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2009 that my next big wad of paycheck is going to the eye doctor. And until then I'll wear my glasses, which have a stronger correction than my contacts. Friends, make sure your own eyes are okay too, 'cause I don't want to collide with you in the face.

(Okay, maybe I do with a few of you, but not painfully.)


Keep the grocery lists coming! The ones I'm getting are a lot of fun. Again, please send me an email if you need my mailing address.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Soul Night

I'm doing that tomorrow night at the Ding Dong Lounge (tonight, by the time most of you read this), Monday March 23. I am right now listening to some wonderful stuff by Solomon Burke, on loan from my friend Will Glass, which I will use then.

Tonight was great. We had a party because WHFR has turned 5 years old. There was fondue of three different types: cheese, chocolate, and vegan. Also, there was a group photo. I'll be going to sleep happy and satisfied. Thanks, people in my life, for being so good to me.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Grocery Lists

I'm collecting the grocery lists of people I know (and maybe people I don't know) for inclusion in a new chapbook. You can mail me one, or send me a good -- a very good -- scan of it. I'd prefer to get it in the mail, because then I'll have the artifact and will be able to enjoy it for the rest of my lonely life.

You should do it! It will be fun. I'll accept the lists for a week or two and make the book as soon as I have enough.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Happy Paddy's!

I thought of two lines for a limerick. "There once was a woman named Amy / Whose crotch smelled exceedingly gamey." I think the last rhyme at the end should be "pay me," but I am disinclined to write the rest of this limerick -- I feel weary.

Tonight I am going grocery shopping and cooking dinner at home. Because who wants to go out on St. Patrick's Day? Not I, said the cat. I will put on Gilbert O'Sullivan's "I'm a Writer, Not a Fighter" and enjoy my extremely non-festive solitude.

This blog post has been a failure. Begorrah an' it has. Come here til I smack yis.

One more thing: My personal favorite piece of Celtsploitation is the Fitzgerald and Fitzgerald law firm's ad on the subway. "We fight for kids' rights!" it says, over a silhouette of a leprechaun or leprechaun-looking guy with his dukes up.

Friday, March 13, 2009

A Sad True Story

I fell in love with a man on the subway this morning, in the space between 110th and 86th Streets. He was carrying a long cardboard tube, which I'm guessing contained a neon light bulb. After I had fallen in love with him, but before I said anything to him, he exited the train. I am going to make the presumption, based on almost nothing, that he went into Mike's Hardware on 88th -- but I do not know for sure, and I never will.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Dig Deeper

Give a few dollars to WFMU, won't you? This is the freeform radio station to which so many other stations are indebted, its unusual content and discrete personalities being an inspiration to all who listen. (Count our own Washington Heights Free Radio among the inspired: certainly not all, but many of our DJs volunteer for FMU and there's some HFR/FMU dovetailing in friendships and music-related jobs.) They celebrated 50 years on the air last year and are beloved around the world.

You have probably at least heard of WFMU, but if you have never heard it, take a listen to their web stream at their site here, where you can also put in your pledge.

WFMU's annual pledge drive "marathon" is going on now. This station remains good and true because it has never advertised; 100% of its revenue comes from the public. You should give them a little money, get a little cool prizes, and enjoy doing something a little important for once, you slob.

Monday, March 2, 2009

But Not A Robot, Yah?

My pallie Jessamine told me she thinks of me as a "writing machine." It feels nice to be thought of that way. Thanks.